(poor) Joke time

new smileys how about :rofl:


hope that worked lol

it did so : name : rofle = name :woohoo:

So a penguin is driving his MGF in the desert. All of sudden his car breaks down with steam everywhere.
Luckily, he's pretty close to a garage, so he waddles behind his car and pushes it up onto the forecourt.
He asks the mechanic to take a look and find the problem and the mechanic tells him to come back in 30 minutes.
So the penguin is getting hot being in the desert and all, and decides to find something to cool him off. He goes in the cafe and orders the biggest vanilla ice cream sundae on the menu.
He messily eats the ice cream dripping it everywhere.
Finally he goes back to the mechanic to find out the problem. Mechanic says," Looks like you blew a seal." To which the penguin replies, "No, no. It's just a little ice cream."

:slapme:

You mean this one :bang: :bang:

Oooooh. Tough crowd. :ohmy:

Good job I added those smilies!

just recived a txt from red devil so i thought i would put up on here

French breast implant company PIP are going to remove thousands of usless tits
you hang in there mate , i wont tell them where you live !

:rofl:

Not exactly an MG related one, but very funny.

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given 3 tasks. The first is to
clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out
and bites him. To show the others whose boss, he beats it to death with a
spade. Realizing his employer won't be best pleased, he disposes of the fish
by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything. Moving on to the
second job of clearing out the chimpanzee house, he is attacked by the
chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade,
killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to
himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion
enclosure. He moves on to the last job, which is to collect honey from the
South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked and stung by the
bees He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what
to do and throws them into the lion's cage - because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion
and says, "What's the food like here?" The other lions say, "Absolutely
brilliant. Today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees."

:coat:

Car related - but not MG

A college is trying to raise money for charity so one of the young girls, who is not the brightest bulb in the box, decides to go round her neigbourhood offering her services for any jobs people may have (I promise this is clean )

She get's to one house in her very well to do area and the owner offers her £100 to paint his porch.

'Sure' she says 'where's the paint?'

'In the garage' he replies and off she trots and he goes back indoors.

An hour later she knocks on the door. The owner can't see any differnce to his porch

'How are you getting on?' he asks.

'I'm all finished' she replies 'infact there was enough paint left that I've done your Ferrari as well for free'

The next day he visits a friend who lives further up the street. They are in the sitting room having a chat and a beer but every 10 minutes his friend gets up, walks to the back door and shouts 'green side up, green side up'

After this goes on for an hour curiosity gets the better of him and he asks his friend what he's up to. He repies 'I've got the same girl who painted your cars laying the back lawn for me'

I have got that one too, great, but without the lawn bit :slapme:

I had been feeling very happy on Friday so I decided to make a sign for my car that said HONK IF YOU LOVE MG TF'S.



On the way home I was stopped at the traffic lights on a very busy junction, roof off, music blasting, my mate and I singing at the top of our voices.
Suddenly I heard a HONK, I looked in the mirror and it was an MX5! In fact there were about 20 of them (must have been a club thing) anyway I honked back, the driver leaned out of the window and raised his two fingers and flicked the V sign at me.
My mate told me it means your car is ace and that the sign for your Mazda is ace is to bare your bottom which standing on the seat he did, while I honked and flicked the V sign like a man demented.



Well all the MX5 drivers must love MG's because they all started honking, shouting and flicking the V's so my mate did the Mazda is ace sign to ALL of them!
This went on for several minutes.They were so thrilled a few of them got out of their cars and came toward us taking there jackets off and waving jacks handles over their heads.....that's when I noticed the light had turned to GREEN, it must have been GREEN for ages because I was the only one who managed to get across before it changed back to RED.
I did not want to leave my new friends with out saying goodbye so I stopped the TF on the other side of the junction and we both got out and gave them all a final Mazda's are ace sign .
Then we got back in and drove off............It's great to make new friends.........

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics
in Melbourne , Australia . One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.

You wanna try it?' So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.

The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'

Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?' Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'

Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..' ' Yeah, well there's just one thing.'

'What's that?' Have you farted yet?'

NO!

'Well, DON'T - cause I'm in New Zealand